We Wish You a - Shoot, What Holiday is It Again?
by LordByronMudkippington
Summary: Honoka has come up with a great way to celebrate the holidays: drunk caroling. What could possibly go wrong? Spoiler: it's everything.


"It is not a thing and it's a bad idea."

"It is too a thing and it's a great idea!" Somehow it always came to this. It wasn't that Umi was surprised that Honoka had concocted yet another poorly-conceived plan to celebrate the holidays, but she continued to be less-than-enthused by each year's folly. When she took the call and was told just what was on tap for this year, it only confirmed her thoughts. There was no way drunk caroling was a thing.

"Honoka, why don't you come over tonight and spend some time with us? Kotori would love to have dinner with you." Since everyone had started university, finding time to spend together hadn't been as easy, but their winter breaks always gave the former members of Muse some time to meet up again. Unfortunately, that meant they were all subjected to the holiday traditions of the three girls the rest of the group lovingly referred to as "The Idiot Trio." Well, Hanayo never felt comfortable calling them that, but Maki was always willing to pick up the slack. She had come up with the name, after all.

"No can do, Umi-chan! Sorry, but we've gotta prepare. Our audience awaits!"

"Don't you dare go drunk caroling, Honoka."

"Too late. I'm already drunk."

"Hahaha, you're wasted, Honoka!" Another voice could be heard in the background, one that was oh-so familiar. Umi sighed and shook her head.

"Nico, I can hear you! You are a terrible influence and you should be ashamed." Rather than the sounds of apologetic chastisement she knew better than to expect, Nico only laughed louder. Her laugh was somehow more annoying when she was drunk.

"No, _you_ should be a... a shame." With the combination of her being farther from the phone and her slurred words, it was tough to fully understand what Nico was saying. "What you did to poor Kotori."

"I did nothing to Kotori!" Umi's voice raised in defensiveness, unamused by her spurious accusation. She would _never_ harm a single hair on Kotori's lovely head.

"No, you..." Nico's voice was cut off as she burst into giggles, Honoka following suit. "You took her..."

"Took her? I didn't take her anywhere." What in the world was Nico talking about? Maybe this was some kind of weird joke that was getting lost in alcohol-infused translation. "She's still at home."

"You took her..." Now Nico's voice sounded closer despite falling to an accusatory whisper. She must have taken the phone from Honoka. "... virginity." A fit of giggling reached her ears, though she hardly noticed as her face quickly began burning bright. At that moment, she could have been used as a beacon for wandering travelers to find their way home.

"Fight-o dayo, Umi-chan! Hey, hey, does Kotori-chan chirp when you go down-" Umi hung up the phone, using all of her self-control not to hurl it across the room.

"Shameless! Shameless!"

* * *

"Alright troops, this is the year! We are Muse, and we are good at the thing where the words come from our mouths!" Nico reveled in the cheers she received from Honoka and Rin, trying not to fall over while swinging around a half-empty bottle of vodka she 'borrowed' from Eli. "Let us thank Honoka for coming up with this wonderful idea." Honoka took a bow while Rin clapped, with Nico deciding that her balance was currently more important than a congratulatory gesture.

"Now! Let's not delay! We have a thing to do!" Pointing forward, Nico took a single step, then fell right on her face. Miraculously, the bottle neither shattered nor spilled any of its potent contents. Her words were mumbled by the carpet as she muttered, "Who put this floor here?"

When she had finally gathered her bearings and left the vodka on what appeared to be a table - it was actually one of her shoes, but close enough - the three of them suited up for the chilly weather and burst outside, heading for the first door they found. Rin knocked on the door, and the three stood there and waited with stupid grins on their faces. They waited for five minutes, but no one ever came to the door despite repeated knocking.

"Why aren't they answering?" Honoka pouted, shoving her hands deep in her jacket pockets.

"Maybe they're not home," Nico pondered, trying to look through the peephole.

"Nico-chan."

"What is it, Rin?"

"Isn't this your house?" Both Nico and Honoka looked up, inspecting the house in question. Now that Rin mentioned it, it did sort of look like Nico's house.

"Ah shit."

* * *

"Woah, this house is huge!" Honoka's jaw dropped, impressed by the sheer size of the house they were standing in front of. House didn't even do it justice: it was like a mansion, with a wrought-iron gate keeping them away from the meticulously cared-for garden. "I wonder who lives here."

"Honoka, this is Maki-chan's house." Nico lightly slapped Honoka on the back of the head, getting a surprised yelp from the ginger. "You've been here before."

"Oh yeah, ehehe." Grinning sheepishly, Honoka reached forward and tried to tug on the gate, but it didn't budge. "Why are we here?"

"Well, to be honest, I have a secret." Nico's voice dropped to a whisper, and her two comrades moved in to listen. "I-" She made a sweeping flourish with her arm, pointing right at the house. "-am in love with the girl living in that house."

"Ooh!" Honoka and Rin both gasped, excited by the new turn of events. It didn't take long for a look of confusion to grace Honoka's face, however. "Wait, who's living there?"

"Maki-chan, you dolt!"

"Oh yeah." Turning to face the gate, Nico's face set with resolute determination. "Alright troops, we're going over this gate! I must save my princess from her life of drudgery!"

"There's a princess in there too?!"

"Honoka, I swear to God... Alright, I'm going over." Grabbing the bars, Nico wrapped her tiny body around them and started shimmying up, staring upwards towards her goal. Once she neared the top, she took a chance and looked down, immediately regretting it when she realized just how far up she was. "Oh Gods, you guys. Why are you so far away?"

"Eh? Did we move?" Rin looked up at Nico, then took five steps backwards. "Am I closer, or farther away?"

"There's no difference!" Rin then proceeded to move back to her original position.

"Okay, now?"

"Uh, I dunno." Nico could feel her grip slackening, so she turned back around, and was greeted with the sight of something very red and very irritated leaving the house and coming down towards them. "Oh shit!" Her appendages' work ethic abandoned her at this point, and with a shriek Nico fell back to Earth, landing in the snow with an "Oof!" Standing up and dusting herself off, she found herself looking directly into a pair of very, very annoyed amethysts.

"Nico-chan, what the hell are you doing?" Maki definitely did not look as happy to see them as Nico was hoping, and her tongue felt as if it was glued to the roof of her mouth. Her own body was betraying her in a time of great crisis. How rude.

"Caroling!" Honoka came through with the save, and Nico silently thanked her for the timely response. "Ooh, you live here, Maki-chan?" Never mind.

"Uh, I've always lived here?" Placing a hand on her hip, Maki stared the three of them down. "Are you all drunk?"

"The better question is: why aren't you drunk?" Rin giggled, her words slightly slurred from the continued effects of the alcohol.

"I prefer to be in control of my own actions, thank you."

"Aww, sorry Nico-chan. I guess you can't use those handcuffs you bought on her now." Nico's eyes widened, a healthy dose of panic settling in as she chanced a glance at Maki, who was just staring at them now.

"What did she just say?"

"Nothing! Nothing at all!" Nico waved off Maki's question, forcefully grabbing Honoka and Rin and bringing them next to her. "We're here to carol, so let's carol!"

"I don't know anyone named Carol." Honoka frowned in thought.

"Eeeeeeeee!" Unintelligible sounds slipped through Nico's teeth, strongly considering tossing Honoka over the fence like a javelin. "Let's just start. Let's start! Ohhhh, we wish you a..." As quickly as they were to start, Nico stopped. She looked at Honoka and Rin, who were looking at her with equally confused expressions. "Oh shit, what holiday is it again?" None of them seemed to remember it.

"Easter?" Honoka suggested, but then immediately she shook her head. "No, wait, we already dressed Umi-chan up as a bunny this year."

"Inuit Appreciation Day?"

"Rin, what the hell is an Inuit?"

"The guys with the fluffy parkas, who climb the mountains."

"No, those are mountain climbers."

"I thought they were the Ice Climbers."

They were clearly getting nowhere with this, so Nico turned to Maki for assistance. "Maki-chan, what holiday are we celebrating again?" Rather than give her a straight answer though, there was a small grin on Maki's face.

"Oh, I'm sure you'll figure it out, Nico-chan."

"Wow Maki-chan, how could you do this to me?"

"Okay, okay, I'll look it up, nya!" Rin whipped out her phone and started tapping away, looking for the answer to this holiday mystery. Eventually, she looked up with a bright smile. "Found it! Okay, follow my lead, nya!" Of course, neither Nico nor Honoka knew what the holiday was, so they could only stare blankly as Rin filled them in through the subtle art of caroling.

"We wish you a merry Emperor's Birthday, we wish you a merry Emperor's Birthday, we wish you a merry Emperor's Birthday! And a happy..." She looked down at her phone again. "New Years Day!" The three of them turned to Maki with big grins on their faces, but the redhead didn't seem as thrilled as they were.

"I'm calling Eli and having her pick you all up."

"Wait, Maki-chan!" Nico reached through the bars and grabbed Maki's arm, getting her attention. "I have to tell you something!"

"What is it now?"

"I..." She steeled herself for the words she knew she had to say, the declaration of love she had to spill upon the world like freshly-fallen snow. "I love you, Maki-chan!" It was silent for nearly a full minute, with Nico locking eyes with Maki while Honoka and Rin waited with bated breath. Maki seemed... not as surprised as Nico thought. She didn't even seem phased.

"I know."

"You know?!"

"You texted me like five times earlier saying you did."

"I what?" Quickly, Nico grabbed for her phone and scrolled through her texts, but what she saw seemed utterly normal. As usual, she had texted her own number proclaiming her undying love for herself five times, so how did Maki... She checked the number listed for the contact 'Nico Nico Nii (That's Me!)' and found none other than Maki's number. "Who the hell changed my contacts?!"

Rin's giggling from behind her said more than words ever could. "Oh my God, Rin!" Maki wrestled her arm from Nico's grip, causing her to nearly lose her balance.

"You're an idiot, Nico-chan."

"Aww, c'mon, Maki-chan!"

"Call me when you're sober." With that, Maki strode purposely away, leaving the Idiot Trio standing outside her gate.

"Alright, Amy, sheesh."

* * *

"You three..." Eli shook her head in disbelief, already regretting agreeing to cart away these three drunk idiots in her car. Maki had made sure to warn her that they probably had already wandered off somewhere else, so it was no surprise when she eventually found them at the park. Of course, why she found Honoka drenched and shivering was an entirely different story.

Apparently Rin had decided that they should do their caroling for the ducks at the nearby pond, and she had bought some bread to feed them. Before anyone could stop her, Honoka had jumped into the pond to try and save the bread, which is why Eli had been forced to buy a towel in order to keep the bread-crazed ginger from dripping on the interior.

She wanted to scold them all for being irresponsible, but they were all drunk: of course they were being irresponsible. They probably wouldn't even remember her lesson by tomorrow, making the whole exercise a waste of time. For now, she would drive them to her house and let them sleep it off. She didn't want them going home drunk and disrupting their families, or leaving again to go bother their other friends.

Getting back to her house, she led them all into her living room and left Nico and Rin there so she could get Honoka something drier to wear. As soon as the two of them left their vision, the two remaining girls huddled up.

"Alright Rin, I have an idea."

"What is it?"

"Haven't you always wondered what kind of panties Maki-chan wears?"

"... No. What the heck, Nico-chan?"

"Oh come on! Don't you give me that!" Nico pointed towards a close-by end table, where Eli's phone lay silently, unguarded. "I think it's time we asked the important questions." Without waiting for a response, Nico went straight for the table, grabbed Eli's phone, turned it on... and was met with a lock screen. "Aww man, who does that?"

"Try her birthday," Rin suggested, looking over Nico's shoulder as she punched in 2110. "Wow, that worked."

"I'm surprised Eli remembers to lock her door at night." Heading for Eli's contacts, Nico located Maki's number and started typing out a text. After a few mistakes, she finally found the send button and waited. It took nearly five minutes, but finally a reply did come back.

 _You: Hey maki what panties r u wearing? :)_

 _Nishikino Maki: Nico, I know that's you._

 _You: Nico Nico no way. It's me eli_

 _Nishikino Maki: Prove it. Send me a picture of yourself._

Shit. Nico shared a look with Rin, wondering how they were going to pull that off. Casting her gaze around the room, her eyes fell upon the fireplace mantle, a row of pictures lined up on it. Bounding over in that direction, she looked until she found a picture of Eli and Arisa together, with just enough space between the two. "This will work."

Lining up the phone's camera with shaking hands, Nico focused on Eli's face, moving the screen closer to the frame before snapping a picture. Well, it certainly was Eli. It was Eli outside, with a third arm in view, but it was hardly noticeable. With a grin, she sent it to Maki and waited once more.

 _You: [Picture sent!]_

 _Nishikino Maki: Did you just take a picture of a picture and try to pass it off as Eli?_

 _You: What? No! Its me right now_

 _Nishikino Maki: Outside with the sun out?_

 _You: As ur senir i demand these answers_

 _Nishikino Maki: Alright "Eli". If you want to know so bad, how about I show you?_

 _You: There we go_

Nico nearly dropped the phone in shock, turning to Rin, who looked just as surprised. Then she pulled the phone closer to her, drawing a frown out of Rin. "Hey, what are you doing?"

"Maki is totally mine, so I can't be showing her panties to just anyone."

"Aw Nico-chan, don't be greedy!" Rin tried to grab for the phone, but Nico held it away from her. She tried to reach into her senior's grasp to try and retrieve it, but ended up laying her arms over Nico's shoulders instead. The little 'ting' of a new text got both of their attentions, and they eagerly looked at the phone for the ensuing picture.

They did indeed get a picture. A picture of Maki flipping them off, decidedly clothed as well.

 _Nishikino Maki: Fuck you, Nico._

"What are you two doing?" Yelping in surprise, Nico whirled around to find Eli and Honoka staring at her, their now-dry compatriot clad in one of Nozomi's t-shirts and a pair of shorts. Eli's eyes drifted down to her phone, visible in Nico's hands. "Why do you have my phone?"

"Uh... 'Tis the season to be jolly?" Nico smiled hopefully. Eli did not seem quite as jolly as intended. "Fa la la la la, la la... la... run!"

"Nicoooo!"


End file.
